Speaking Out!

Women, sex and substance use: chicken and egg?
Fri, 2013-03-15 17:02

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

The risk of developing alcohol or marijuana “dependence disorders” for young people is linked to the number of sex partners they have, according to a recent article published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

The researchers say that alcohol and marijuana use may encourage sexual behaviour.

There’s a shocker. The reason they link multiple sex partners and later substance abuse is because they are both part of a cluster of risk-taking behaviours that happen in adolescence and young adulthood. The association in the research was stronger for women. They added that the alcohol industry encourages the view that alcohol is entertainment, and that young women are encouraged to keep up with the boys.

The study was done in New Zealand where the ads for alcohol mirror our own in their intent. Ann Dowsett Johnston in her article “Women and Alcohol: To Your Health?” published in Network magazine refers to Mike’s Hard Pink Lemonade, Smirnoff Ice Light, wines like MommyJuice and Stepping Up to the Plate, berry-flavoured vodkas, Vex Strawberry Smoothies, coolers in flavours like kiwi mango, green apple, wild grape; and alcopop, also known as the cooler, “chick beer” or “starter drinks.” Judging from the statistics of alcohol consumption for young women, the ads have been very successful.

While the Archives article also discusses anxiety and depression, what interests me is the notion of “risk-taking behaviours.”

People who lack the basics for good health tend to have risky health behaviours, like tobacco and alcohol abuse. So do people who are survivors of sexual abuse.

The researchers had taken prior mental health status into consideration in the analysis of their findings. I doubt that they would consider child sexual abuse to be a mental health disorder; but of course it can provoke mental—and even physical—disorders. The body remembers even what the mind prefers to repress. For youth accessing treatment for both addiction and mental health problems at the Toronto Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), it is frighteningly common for them to have histories of traumatic stress as well as sexual abuse.

I met Laura (not her real name) when she was 11.  She was a student in a Grade 6 class I was teaching about puberty. In those days, I spent six hours with each Grade 5 and 6 group, so I got to know the kids pretty well. I always ended with a session on sexual abuse. I remember listening to Laura’s teachers in the staff room. They were talking about her, making remarks akin to teenage boys’ comments about high school girls with a “reputation.” After the class on sexual abuse, Laura disclosed to me that she had been gang raped at nine and had been in an alcohol daze ever since. I should have figured it out from the teachers’ remarks. Precocious sexual behaviour can be a marker of sexual abuse.

I put Laura in touch with a child protection agency. A few years later, I saw her regularly in a sexual health clinic and eventually encouraged her to go into therapy. During her adolescence, Laura still abused alcohol and other drugs and was sexually assaulted more than once. I would accompany her to the sexual assault care centre to hold her hand.

A colleague of mine at the time said there was no point in treating substance abuse unless you dealt with the root causes first. She had expertise in both, professionally and personally.

Similarly, adolescent pregnancy is not as simple as asking why teens just don’t use condoms. Health professionals can plot adolescent pregnancies on a city map and see the links with lower socio-economic status. In other words, risky behaviours do not exist in a vacuum. They are linked to basic needs: food, shelter and freedom from sexual violence and racism.

Substance use, aside from being big business, serves multiple purposes. Alcohol removes inhibitions, which makes it the most common drug used for date rape. Alcohol and other substances including tobacco are used to self medicate. Dowsett Johnston says, “the strongest predictor of late onset drinking is childhood sexual abuse.” Laura was self-medicating throughout her adolescence: she was dulling the pain of a traumatized life. While the research may show an increase in substance abuse after having multiple partners, in Laura’s case—and for many women who are sexually abused as children—substance abuse came first.

Talk to me: springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex

The sticky question of pornography
Tue, 2013-03-05 12:36

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

About 40 years ago, feminists were making a distinction between pornography and erotic films. Of course no one was able to quite put their finger on the difference, although it was easy to hate pornography after Deep Throat star Linda Lovelace revealed her abuse during the 1972 filming; or Bonnie Sherr Klein’s Not a Love Story showed us the shockingly exploitative side of adult entertainment. For some of us, all pornography is exploitative, demeaning and violent.

Enter women who began to make erotica for women, followed by women who started making porn for women. Today there are plenty of women who consider themselves feminist and who love their porn.

So what’s a girl to do?

As a sex educator, I believe that a big downside of pornography is the role it has played in the sex education of boys. I winced during a sexual health workshop with adolescents when a male student said, “it’s not like that in porn, miss.” I could just picture him playing out some of the common sexual acts in contemporary pornography without asking for consent. Pornography creates a script for adolescent sexuality as do music videos and reality shows. Not being a consumer, I had to do a lot of reading to familiarize myself with the current norms in pornography, such as “facials” and “double penetration.”

With the increase in availability, a kind of hunger for bigger and bigger shocks seems to drive the industry to a continual pushing of boundaries. The resulting outrage from feminists isn’t so much moral outrage as anger—and fear. A long-standing debate continues about whether or not pornography is directly linked with violence against women and children. According to some, research has never made a clear causal connection between pornography and sexual assault. Writer Debbie Nathan, in an interview by Dr. Joy Davidson says, “Research has shown that legalization and mass consumption of porn is correlated with declines in rape rates, not increases.” Yet, when we hear about someone convicted of sexual assault with a cache of violent pornography on their computer, it echoes other research that indicates a link between porn and attitudes that support violence against women.

I am reminded of another workshop, this time in a battered woman’s shelter, when a participant told the group about her husband who, after watching porn, would insist that she repeat the acts. When she refused, he would beat and rape her.

There are other issues. Some women who do not watch porn find it upsetting that their partners do and consider it a form of cheating. Sex columnist Dan Savage insists that all men watch pornography and the rest are lying. Some people are so used to getting off watching porn that they find it difficult to be intimate in flesh and blood.

Is there an upside?

There are couples who revel in watching porn together—and there is something for every gender, orientation and taste. People who may feel guilty about their sexual predilections may find comfort in the availability of their kinks online. They may find similar communities of people and even partners.

Nathan paints a positive picture:

“… to keep porn in the mix, we’d have to demystify it, to stop condemning it as immoral. If we could do that, we might not have pornography anymore. Instead, we’d have a gorgeous carnival of sexual imagery and sexual aids which would speak to everyone’s fantasies, desires and yearnings. … I think the solution [to stereotyping] is not making less of it but more. More, that is, if it’s produced by all kinds of people, and not just by big businesses catering to the mass market and trying to make mega-profits.”

Perhaps informed consumers of pornography can treat it like chocolate. They can seek out the equivalent of organic, fair trade porn (made by companies that pay their actors well, give them options about scenes and insist on their using protection) and get that good dopamine high—not as a guilty pleasure—but as a treat. If people patronized the ethical porn companies, it might start the process of shifting mainstream pornography to something more palatable ... for more of us.

Talk to me: springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex

Being proactive about your breast health
Fri, 2013-02-15 17:02

To the Point - Guest Column

By Verna Hunt

Women and girls of all ages in today’s culture are stamped with the colour pink as the fantasy for the fairy princess lives they are lead to believe they should yearn for. It is like a plastic film that society puts over us at birth. Onward from birth they are made to think that nothing other than a fantasy life should ever happen to them. Never get old. Never get sick. Never be sad or mad or frightened. Women should be perfect—in pink. This is not reality. As a result women often feel that they are not “good enough” in the inevitable imperfect lives they lead, and their breasts are no exception.

Another unreality propagated by campaigns such as “the pink” is that there is a cure for every disease and that it can be discovered if the medical scientists just have enough money to discover this magic bullet cure.

Our culture does not teach coping strategies for tragedies such as someone near and dear to us or even ourselves developing a disease such as breast cancer. So, in an effort to turn our understandable emotional strife into something constructive, crusades such as the Pink Ribbon Campaign have evolved. Often they end up as a business enterprise unto themselves more interested in keeping the organization going than looking at how to serve humanity.

But what is the point of it all? Is the point to find the cure for breast cancer, or is the point to find the cause for lack of breast health? The Pink Ribbon Campaign is a distraction from what is really going on with breast health. All of the pink sound bites urge us to pitch in and find the cure like there is a missing link of knowledge, a holy grail, the one thing that will solve it all. Our society tries to commodify everything as if we all have the exact same disease. It is like assuming that we all wear the same size and style of shoes.

Another part of the pitch is that mammograms prevent breast cancer. They do not (See Mammography screening: Weighing the pros and cons). Mammograms detect structural masses that could be cancerous and this can only be confirmed with a biopsy examined by a pathologist. The key initial question should be: why and how do masses or tumours form in the first place and what can be monitored to discern if tissue is showing signs of building masses? Certainly the Pink Ribbon Campaign has raised awareness that there is something very significant going on when one in four women living around the Great Lakes of central eastern North America will have breast cancer in their lifetimes.

Cancer and our environment

The general scientific thought has been that breast cancer occurred in those with a genetic predisposition. While this is a factor, when we look at the world statistics available, the evidence  points to industrialized areas such as the Great Lakes of North America having one of the highest incidences. Why might that be so? The short answer is environmental pollution and the inability to neutralize its dangerous effects. For more information on this please read Living Downstream by Sandra Steingraber, and watch the film by the same name.

We need to look at the many factors  that contribute to  cancer because we live in a multifactorial environment.

The human body has abnormal or cancer cells in it all of the time but our immune system, largely via the white blood cells, spots the out-of-the-ordinary cells and kills them off (apoptosis). The immune system also cleans up dead abnormal cells, viruses, bacteria, pollution, old hormones all of the time, 24/7. The microcirculation via  lymph vessels then drains this lymph fluid and delivers the debris to our filters or “emunctories,” primarily the liver and kidneys although other organs have filtering functions as well.

Our filters break down the debris that the immune system has delivered but these organs can get clogged up just like the vacuum cleaner filter when you forget to clean it out. With clogging, the normal excretion via urine, stool, breath, skin and menses is incomplete and even the excretion routes can get clogged up. Constipation is an example of this and is more common than anyone wants to admit.

The miracle of the immune system is that each person develops an individualized non-specific immunity by six or seven years old and then a specific immunity largely complete by the age of puberty. That is, the immune system normally develops our defence system unless it is interfered with and interrupted from maturing. Interrupters could include but are not limited to adverse drug reactions, pollutants and pesticides such as xeno-estrogens (chemicals that mimic estrogen and attach to estrogen receptor sites causing abnormal reactions), lack of normal nutrients from empty processed foods and hormonal imbalances created through such things as prolonged stress.

Reducing the toxic load

Throughout recorded history every indigenous culture that existed for any length of time developed some sort of cyclical cleansing or detoxification method. They used what was available: fermented foods, herbs, water, sun, breath/air, saunas, bathing in hot springs and so on. Even in the animal kingdom you will see dogs for example eat fresh grass that contains chlorophyll and trace minerals to assist in the cleansing process. It is instinctual to clean our filters. The most obvious one in the human body is to exchange the normal 70% of body weight that is water.

We now live in a time of the greatest load of physical and non-physical toxins in recorded history. Chemically there are things going into the human body that were never made to be there such as petrochemical derivatives and asbestos. When the immune system and the filters do not know what to do with something, it can get parked in tissues. Over time, this load causes irritation and can lead to a dysfunction in the cells, resulting often in swelling and inflammation. Eventually these changes cause cellular mutations and can lead to cancer cells.

In addition to the physical toxic load, the non-physical load is mounting in terms of noise pollution, over-information from cyber space and on and on. We have to sort out all of these stimuli as well as sorting out the chemical soup toxifying our bodies. There is just too much sorting to do for all of our physical, emotional, cognitive and, some would say, energetic bodies. The filters are getting more and more clogged and our bodies are carrying around a load of rubble and debris that impair our immune resilience.

Women have a greater quantity of hormones to sort out and thus their load of sorting is larger, compounded by multiple roles as wage earner, child bearer and mother, food procurer and preparer, health care provider and decision maker, housekeeper and property organizer, and ringmaster of the modern family. Many of us are familiar with this chaos. Doing everything all of the time so that we experience everything except silence, stillness and relaxation. It is as if we are always breathing in and never breathing out. We need to exhale.

Research has shown that women who have breastfed have a lower incidence of breast cancer. While not all women choose to breastfeed, breasts need not become a parking lot for metabolic debris. We can avoid toxins to some degree through lifestyle choices such as: eating adequate fibre, healthy oils, additive free and non-overly processed foods, four or more cups of steamed or raw vegetables daily, seasonal fresh local raw fruit, drinking adequate amounts of clean water; adequate rest and relaxation; time in nature; enjoyable exercise and body movement; nurturing companionship and development of self-worth. Admittedly, these options are not readily available to all women.

Specific breast health therapy could include hands-on therapeutic breast massage techniques which are done by trained licensed professionals, usually a registered massage therapist. These specialized massage techniques assist in normalizing breast tissue function throughout a woman’s life, particularly pre and post breast feeding. The massage stimulates the lymph system in the breast to aid in drainage of any stored debris, and can aid in decreasing fibrocystic milk duct tissues and gently release adhesions.

Because of the compounding effects of environmental toxins in our bodies we need to cleanse now more than ever. However, it is not simple because of the complexity of toxins like toluenes, heavy metals, polyvinyl chlorides and dioxin all mixing together like soup and creating new reactions that we have no way as yet to measure. How can we safely get the body to excrete these “super toxins”?

Ideally detoxification, or cleansing, must be individualized to each person’s needs by a qualified health care professional, guided by a woman’s personal assessment of her means. In the case of breast health this professional would monitor breast health proactively in concert with the overall health picture of the individual. Tests using blood, hair, breath, heat (digital infra-red thermography), saliva, stool, etc. can indicate changes long before a pathological disease or even pronounced dysfunction is present. Results are correlated with a thorough consultation and physical examination, looking at findings that consider causation of symptoms and also determine how to improve total function on all levels. 

Although there are many licensed professionals trained and available to do this, such as naturopathic doctors, holistic medical doctors, etc., the cost for this out-of-pocket care is high for many. Our culture does not encourage people to invest in their health, but rather to pay vast quantities of  money to the disease care industry once people have a disease that is “treated” and “managed” with a patented prescription drug.

Being proactive

Proactive cyclical methods of cleaning our natural filters can be done safely at home to begin the necessary process of detoxification. Lifestyle choices that are affordable might include: eating only vegetable broth soup for a day, taking regular saunas, walking in a forest reserve, taking a one-to-seven-day break from cyber space including news, Internet, television and radio. Taking a pause from just being too busy and over stimulated. Although these efforts seem trivial, research has shown that something as accessible as a 30-minute walk in a forest can positively impact the immune system for up to one month after taking the walk.

Controversy abounds about breast self-examination [see Network article, Breasts Self-examination] but if you can wash your face every day and know if there is a new pimple just by touching, then saying “Hello girls” to your breasts as you shower or bathe will reveal changes. This friendly familiarity by touch will help you know if the breast texture pattern changes without terrifying yourself by looking for “the lump.”  Teaching girls at a young age what normal breasts look like will help pubescent girls to have normal acceptance and appreciation of their breasts. To educate girls using non-sexual pictures of breasts, check out the 007 Breasts website

Other proactive breast care choices include: avoiding body care products with harmful chemicals like those found in some deodorants and clothes detergents and fabric softeners that are potentially carcinogenic; and not wearing restrictive and in particular underwire bras that impede normal blood and lymph flow causing congestion of toxins.

So when you see the Pink Ribbon Campaign imploring you to walk for “the cure” I would offer you an alternative focus and direct you to the Pink and Green Ribbon Campaign, which focuses on the connection between breast health and the environment and what you can do to be proactive about your breast health [additional resources listed below].

 

Dr. Verna Hunt, B.Sc., D.C., N.D. has been practising as a chiropractic and naturopathic doctor, for over 30 years.  She owns and operates The Centre for Health and Well Being in Toronto established in 2005. She acts as a medical advisor to colleagues and companies, which service holistic health care. Dr. Hunt writes, speaks and teaches presenting through her organization Being Well Communications. She is a long time member and promoter of CWHN. Contact her through verna@healthandwellbeing.info or 416-604-8240.

 

Additional resources on breast cancer prevention:

Women, plastics and breast cancer section of CWHN website

CWHN – Get the Word Out! About breast cancer prevention

Breast Cancer Action Montreal (BCAM) 

Breast Cancer Fund in the United States 

To the point

I’ve been thinking about orgasm
Fri, 2013-02-15 16:44

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

For years, women have been told we are responsible for our own orgasms; no one can hand it to us on a silver platter. And most of us can manage to get there very nicely on our own, thank you.

There are some obvious blocks to orgasm, like prior trauma, repressive sexual upbringing, shyness, overthinking, inability to relax, control issues, problems in the relationship or other stresses. What is a partner’s role in a woman’s desire or ability to come?

Two-thirds of women who have sex with men don’t have orgasms during vaginal intercourse. These women often minimize their desire for it, saying they enjoy the good feelings and intimacy that they get during sex. But women’s partners—male or female—sometimes feel cheated, both by women’s lack of desire for orgasm or because they don’t know how to get us there. There’s nothing new here. Shere Hite reported the same dilemma in the 1970s (The Hite Report, 1976). Communication is, of course, key. But “I really want you to come” may be perceived as pressure. “How can I get you there?” assumes that’s where you want to go. On the other hand (so to speak), “I want to come. Let me show/tell you what to do” sounds like a plan.

Most workshops about reaching orgasm focus first on familiarizing yourself with your own sexual response and eventually finding the type of stimulation that leads to orgasm. Some women have orgasm that is qualitatively different depending on whether there is anal, G-spot, or clitoral stimulation. You may like direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris with a finger, vibrator, something inside your vagina or anus, anal stimulation, with lubricant or without, direct, strong pressure on the vulva, like a thigh or a pillow, or not.  Women may ejaculate or not, or only some of the time. We don’t always want—or are not always able—to come the same way every time; nor do our orgasms always feel the same, even when we have a session with several orgasms. 

Let’s say you can already have orgasm on your own. How comfortable are you having an orgasm in front of your partner? Is it exciting, embarrassing, eyes open, eyes closed, watching your partner watching you, getting off on their pleasure? Is there an alternate kind of stimulation that your partner can try? If you’re used to hard and fast stimulation with a finger or vibrator and your partner tries to bring you to orgasm with oral sex, do you feel the pressure to perform? Are you worried your partner will get tired or frustrated? And maybe more importantly: can you show your partner what works for you without detailing an exhaustive list? Sex is primarily for pleasure. If performance worries get in the way, where’s the fun?

A hilarious example of how sex can become too much work and turn off a partner appears in Carol Shield’s Republic of Love.

“He’d rather enter a life of celibate denial than go through the hard labor and humiliation of bringing Charlotte Downey to quality orgasm ... Quality orgasms were the only kind worth having, she told him”  (pp. 144 – 145).

Some women feel the need to stay in control of all aspects of their lives, which may impede erotic intimacy. What a gift to put yourself in your partner’s hands and allow the barriers to fall away. Sometimes I wonder if dealing with barriers to orgasm is as simple—and as complicated—as dealing with insomnia.  Instead of anxiously wanting it (orgasm or sleep), we just let go and it “comes”.

It would be lovely if two people could go with the flow. If it feels good, do it. If you or your partner gets tired, stop and do something else. And all of this can happen with a smile, a laugh, the conspiratorial joy of discovery. This is intimacy; it happens between the two of you.

And what about your partner’s orgasm? Again, it depends on how important it is to him/her. Is it your role to be The One who finds their magic formula? Answer: the magic is what happens between you, not between their legs. 

Talk to me: springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex

Sexual assault – Seeking a sea change
Tue, 2013-01-29 13:52

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

At the end of 2012, when a 23-year-old woman in India was viciously attacked and later died of her injuries, it touched off a movement which will hopefully have a profound effect on their culture. Not surprisingly, there is no such movement in the Congo where rape continues to be used against both men and women as a weapon of war. During the last American presidential election, the absurd and enraging remarks about rape and pregnancy got a lot of press as well as more activity from women’s organizations in a long time. In a Toronto neighbourhood last summer, people came together after a series of sexual assaults, resulting in well-attended and well-publicized demonstrations.

And yet, despite decades of feminism and talk of “rape culture” we do not seem to have affected a fundamental shift in thinking in Canada.

Working in middle school and high school classrooms for three decades, I dedicated considerable time to issues of gender equality, including developing an education module on sexual assault specifically in a dating situation. 

Years ago, I was in a class of Grade 8 students, 13-year-olds. We were working through the first part of an exercise on sexual assault. I was asking them to respond to a list of statements. It was interesting that they often gave the thumbs up to what they thought was the “correct” answer. For example, “no always means no” almost universally got a yes. Then, I would explore why some girls and women may say no at first, but then seem to accept the advance. They understood that some girls and women don’t like to be considered “easy”; that they worry about their reputations. They also understood that the tone of voice or body language could lend their “no” a certain ambiguity, resulting in miscommunication, especially if alcohol was involved. 

Next statement: “a person never loses the right to say no.” One boy stood alone in his refusal to accept that notion. I asked the class under what circumstances someone might want to stop the action and the student responses included: experiencing pain if it was the first time, a change of mind, worries about STIs, etc. But this one male student steadfastly insisted that once you started you had to finish. I said, “what if you’re with a girl, you’re on top and you see that she’s in pain?”

“Turn her face away,” he said. 

I later found out from his teacher that he had trouble with female authority figures, which made sense in terms of his misogyny and lack of empathy; but it also made me fearful about his potential future behaviour.

It is an understatement to say that parents are raising children in a culture steeped in contradictory images of what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman. What’s a parent to do?

One day when my children were young, I heard my young son and daughter fooling around in the living room. My daughter sounded unhappy about what was going on. I peeped in. My son had pinned her down and she was struggling to get up. I said to my daughter, “say, ‘get off me’ like you mean it”; and to my son, “and then you have to listen.”

Of course, using this kind of teachable moment can only happen in a context with all other things being equal. Statistically, a child who has been sexually abused is more likely to be sexually assaulted, especially in the absence of good therapy. The egregious ongoing assaults and murders of Aboriginal women are in a category by themselves based in the profoundly racist history of our relationship with First Nations people.

We live in a society that deems us responsible for our choices in health, including sexual health, without taking into consideration the factors over which we have no control, like abuse, poverty and racism. Yet, the potential for dealing with sexism remains the purview of the parent through education. What is taught—or not taught—in the home can have a profound effect on children’s ability to work through the issues despite the media barrage of sexist images, including pervasive violent sexual images.

After the 23-year-old Indian woman died of her injuries recently, men in India laid their bodies down in the street and called for a fundamental shift in culture. Our White Ribbon Campaign has made some significant inroads; and yet, the scourge of sexual assault remains statistically high. In 2011 more than 21,800 sexual assaults were reported in Canada. We know this represents only one in ten of the actual assaults, which are most commonly committed by someone we know.

Of the many challenges facing our quest for equality, this one runs deep.

Talk to me: springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex

Great sex
Wed, 2013-01-09 13:55

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

Do you ever watch a movie, riveted by those slow, languorous, delicious lovemaking scenes; or the rip-your-clothes-off-and-get-sweaty-in-the-heat-of-the-moment scenes that make you want to howl at the moon: “I want that!”

Sex columnist, Dan Savage, says as partners, we are to be “good, giving and game.” I don’t know about you, but I think some more specific guidelines for good sex would be really useful.

A wonderful piece of research asked the question about great sex to an eclectic group of participants. I had jotted down the list below of the common themes that emerged, tucked it away and then forgotten where I’d seen it. 

  • being present
  • connection
  • deep sexual and erotic intimacy
  • communication
  • interpersonal risk-taking and exploration
  • authenticity
  • vulnerability
  • transcendence

So this is my personal take on these themes.  Feel free to compare them to the original research.

Being present: We hear more and more these days about the importance of being fully present in all of our activities. When you are with someone—here and now—and they are with you too, your presence creates the basis for physical and emotional intimacy. If you are truly there with each other, every move you make, every caress and kiss given and taken with deliberation resonates with both of you.

Connection: Presence forms the basis for connection because you are embarking on a journey together. Although our sensations are our own, being connected to another person sensually allows both to appreciate the other’s sensations.

Deep sexual and erotic intimacy: No matter how simple or complex your sexual activity, you may feel like you have never done this activity in this way with anyone else before. There is nothing but feeling and connection. Turning on a partner can be very erotic, as is stripping away layers to get to basic instincts.

Communication: Think about what turns you on. Ask yourself about the key elements of why it turns you on. Now try to express this to a partner. When your partner asks you to say or do certain things, if you find yourself wondering why and want to find out, try to ask them from the viewpoint of true curiosity rather than criticism.

Perhaps the best example of good communication happens when you are trying something different, like adding a potentially charged sexual activity to your erotic repertoire. A colleague of mine adds to this, saying that when there is a “high degree of communication due to embarrassment and pain there is also a nod to the high degree of intimacy from joint discovery, new pleasures and the communication of desires that may feel taboo.”

Interpersonal risk-taking and exploration: If your partner suggests something or starts to initiate a new position or activity, the basis of this exploration is trust. If you make it clear you are ready to go there, clear communication now plays a vital role. Do you like it? If not, perhaps there something you can do that will make it more enjoyable/comfortable. If you don’t like it and want to stop, it is important that you can count on your partner to continue to think well of you and desire you as before. The same holds true if there is something you suggest that they reject.

Authenticity: This is not a movie (even if you are recording it for future pleasure). You are being as real with this person as you know how to be. Even if you are role playing, it is with the part of you that you are willing to share with your partner. How unfortunate that people sometimes feel they need to pretend enthusiasm for something that gives them no pleasure, either personally or through their partner’s pleasure.

Vulnerability: Acknowledge that this incredibly intimate activity can end in physical or emotional distress—or joy. If you are a survivor of sexual or emotional trauma, your partner has to pay particular attention to your sensibilities. If you have a disability and must put your trust in your partner’s assistance and tender caring, you are opening yourself completely, trusting that you will come to no harm. Anyone engaged in sexual activity is wide open: with concerns about physical “imperfections” and the secrets of the most intimate parts of their bodies. Breaking down barriers and allowing your partner to see your vulnerabilities is a great gift.

Transcendence: Did the earth move? Perhaps not, but how wonderful if while being in your body and present with your partner, you are still able to go somewhere you have never been before, whether it be a spiritual experience or a letting go that is so powerful you feel lost—and found—at the same time.

Talk to me—not dirty, but let me know if what I have been writing resonates. There are lots of issues I want to cover, and if you have specific requests, I’d like to hear them. 

springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex

Unpacking the great mammography debate
Tue, 2012-12-18 23:42

To the Point - Guest column

By Cornelia J. Baines 

Since the late 1980s people have argued heatedly about the usefulness of mammography screening, especially in women aged 40 to 49. This unceasing controversy continues. Burgeoning new research in the first decade of 2000 clearly revealed that therapy was outweighing the impact of mammography in terms of mortality reduction. But the defence of screening persists. In September 2012, the Journal of Medical Screening (JMS) issued a supplement reporting that, based on European data, screening benefits were unquestionable. I document the flaws underlying this conclusion, but these flaws are more easily understood when framed by the controversy’s history. So I outline events up to 2000 and then critique the JMS message.

Since 2000, many downsides of screening have been widely reported. Twenty-one hundred (2,100) women aged 40 to 49 must be screened every two years for 11 years to avoid one breast cancer death. Of these, 700 women endure false-positive screens leading to unnecessary diagnostic work-up and anxiety, and ten to 15 will be over-diagnosed and receive unnecessary breast cancer treatment. (Having breast cancer, I am appalled that anyone might undergo unnecessary therapy.)  Importantly, contrary to expectations, screening has not reduced subsequent incidence of advanced cancers, a prerequisite for successful screening.

The good news is that even in jurisdictions without screening programs, breast cancer death rates have declined to the same extent as observed in screened populations, with declines even in women in their 30s to whom screening is not offered. The message is clear: breast cancer treatment has radically improved over the last few decades leaving little opportunity for screening to help. And downsides to screening are incontrovertible.

Why the continuing defence of screening? Let’s look at the history.

In the beginning, that is, in the last half of the 20th century, randomized controlled trials evaluated breast cancer screening. Women in a specific age group were either randomized to mammography or to be “controls” with no mammography. Of all the trials, two received much attention.

Trial A used signed informed consent for both groups. Trial B assumed consent with attendance for screening but controls were “un-informed.” 

Trial A randomized individuals. Trial B randomized clusters of women.

Trial A compared mammography to no intervention in women aged 40 to 49 and mammography plus clinical breast examination to clinical breast examination alone in women aged 50 to 59. Trial B compared mammography to no intervention.

In Trial A, 100% of participants complied at first screen. Not so for Trial B.

Trial A annually collected detailed demographic and medical information from both groups, for the trial’s duration. Trial B recorded only age at entry.

Trial A offered four to five rounds of screening. Trial B only two to four.

Trial A used two-view mammography; Trial B used single-view.

Trial A screened women every 12 months; Trial B every 24 to 33 months.

Trial A at first screen had smaller cancers and a higher cancer detection rate compared to Trial B.

Trial A over time published consistent numbers regarding trial outcomes such as cancers and deaths; only in 2011 did Trial B finalize its numbers.

Trial A audited mammography externally based on a randomized stratified sample. Trial B described no audit.

Trial A externally audited all tissue biopsies. Trial B did not.

Trial A externally reviewed causes of deaths for confirmed or probable breast cancer cases. Trial B reported their procedure 26 years after first publication.

Now it came to pass that Trial B reported that mammography hugely reduced breast cancer deaths in women aged 40 to 74 and the world rejoiced. Paradoxically, Trial B also revealed a 26% excess of breast cancer deaths in screened women aged 40 to 49; that was ignored. Trial A reported no screening benefit for women aged 50 to 59 and the world was sore aggrieved. Excess breast cancer deaths in screened women aged 40 to 49 (as in Trial B) was loudly condemned. Trial A (The Canadian National Breast Screening Study) was found to be flawed, while Trial B (The Swedish Two-County Trial) was praised and magnified. Forth went Two-County prophet Tabár with Mammography Education Incorporated  proclaiming “mammography saves lives” for nigh unto 30 years. Revered he preached in upscale hotels at touristic destinations for substantial fees, and new disciples spread his gospel. Corporations like GE Healthcare and Siemens (that make mammography units) gave their benediction, donating vast sums to the American College of Radiology to promulgate the prophet’s message. And so great was women’s fear of breast cancer, they too became converts steadfastly believing in screening mammography. Others following the new gospel were surgeons and pathologists, for lo their work-load increased! 

Evidence from all the trials comparing mammography to no mammography reveals a 15% reduction in breast cancer mortality for women aged 50 to 69. But North American women aged 40 to 49 insisted that they too be screened. Radiologists even persuaded the U.S. Senate that these women deserved no less, in spite of unbiased, expert opinion to the contrary. Those not endorsing screening for women under 50 included the Canadian Task Force on Periodic Health Examination, the Canadian Workshop Group (Canadian Cancer Society, Department of National Health and Welfare and the National Cancer Institute of Canada), the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force, the American College of Physicians, the U.K. Forrest Report, the International Union Against Cancer, the European Group for Breast Cancer Screening, the New Zealand Cancer Society, the British Medical Association, and national policies in Finland, Denmark and Holland. Such dissent was heresy. The public agreed the best available version of the truth came only from radiologists and their acolytes.

Despite the wave of more recent research showing fewer benefits than previously thought from screening, not surprisingly, screening advocates are strenuously defending themselves, most recently in a supplement to the Journal of Medical Screening (JMS), describing findings from the Euroscreen Working Group (ESWG). Where controversy prevails, the messengers as well as the message require scrutiny. JMS has a low impact factor of only 1.69, compared to the Journal of the National Cancer Institute (13.757), Annals of Internal Medicine (16.7), New England Journal of Medicine (51), Lancet (33.797) and BMJ (14.093). What could explain the choice of a low impact journal?

The JMS’ pro-screening message was praised in AuntMinnieMobile, an online entity offering "news, educational links, … and information for radiologists, technologists, administrators and medical imaging professionals.” AuntMinnieMobile is sponsored "in part" by Phillips Health Care, manufacturers of imaging systems. 

“The researchers found that mammography had a mortality reduction of 48% among women who were screened. What's more, the study found that the number of women whose lives were saved outnumbered by two to one the number who were ‘over-diagnosed,’ or who had cancers detected that might never cause symptoms or threaten their lives”  (Letter from the Editor, 13/09/12).

With these results, the editor declared, the breast screening controversy was finally over! 

However, according to objective expert panels, breast cancer screening does not remotely achieve a 48% mortality reduction and the number of over-diagnosed women vastly exceeds breast cancer deaths avoided. Why the huge divergence between ESWG findings and panels like the Canadian Task Force? Simply put, screen advocates dominate both ESWG and JMS; objective panels include a range of expertise and minimal opportunity for conflict of interest.

Scrutiny of JMS is revealing.

  • The JMS editor (ND) has for decades co-authored articles with Tabár (Two-County Trial).
  • SD, a JMS editorial board member co-authored many papers with Tabár, was ESWG Coordinator, and the supplement’s Guest Editor and Review Co-ordinator, authoring two of eight articles.
  • SM, a JMS board and ESWG member authored three articles.
  • Board member AKH wrote the editorial.
  • ESWG member (MB) acted as a Review Co-ordinator and authored four articles.

The overlapping roles are clear.

Turning finally and briefly to the JMS message, what are the flaws? 

  • Omitted from the text are studies demonstrating that breast cancer mortality has declined in the absence of screening, even in the too-young-to-be-screened.
  • Over-diagnosis is a much larger problem than claimed in JMS. A recent report in the high impact New England Journal of Medicine shows that more than a million U.S. women have been over-diagnosed in the last 30 years because of screening.
  • Totally overlooked is the 20% increased risk of mastectomy for screen-detected cancers.
  • Screening benefits are inflated. Long recognized as biased and inappropriate for evaluating screening, case-control studies that falsely inflate benefit are included in the ESWG analysis.
  • Incidence-based-mortality (IBM) partitions mortality by screening and further inflates benefit. “One must be cautious in interpreting the results (based on IBM), since factors like lead-time bias can influence these analyses, whereas they generally will not influence overall death certificate mortality.”  
  • Lead-time (earlier detection extending survival time backwards) and over-diagnosis both spuriously enhance benefit.
  • The JMS reports a 48% breast cancer mortality reduction in women attending screening, comparing attenders at lower risk of death (healthy screenee effect) inappropriately with non-attenders, at higher risk of death. A valid comparison requires two similar populations, one offered screening and the other not, each including attenders and non-attenders.
  • The potential for conflict of interest is evident.

Women have a choice: they can rejoice in the message they want to hear or they can consider whether the message is serving interests other than their own.

 

Cornelia Baines, MD, MSc, FACE, was co-principle investigator and deputy director of the Canadian National Breast Screening Study, a major trial of breast screening that enlisted 90,000 women across Canada in the 80s. She has closely followed screening outcomes research since then. Baines has also been involved in research respecting silicone breast implants and multiple chemical sensitivity. She is Professor Emerita at the Dalla Lana School of Public Health in Toronto.

To the point

Monogamy
Sun, 2012-12-16 01:11

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

Recently in a radio interview, a sexologist suggested that flirting with other people could be a very positive addition to a monogamous relationship if both parties were confident in themselves and the relationship. Flirting can indeed be titillating for a couple, sparking their own romance and intimacy. It can be seen as complimentary (someone is interested in my partner, which means that my choice of partner is a desirable one). Or it can be just plain stressful: one more thing to fight or worry about.

We sometimes make the assumption that monogamous couples don’t step outside the relationship; but it depends entirely on their “deal.” The deal can be no stepping outside. Or it can be no stepping outside without telling me. Or no stepping outside without sharing all the details for our mutual enjoyment. Or no stepping outside without using protection. Any of these permutations can work—if you work it out beforehand. U.S. sex columnist Dan Savage likes to use the term “monogamish” for couples who are mostly monogamous.

Teenagers and young adults tend to engage in serial monogamy—one partner for a period of time, followed by a break-up, mourning period, and then a new relationship. 

There are other types of long-term relationships which are not monogamous.

Casual sexual relationships (CSRs) were the topic of two articles in recent issues of The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality. They were identified as “one-night stands, booty calls, fuck buddies and friends with benefits.” CSRs are quite common amongst young adults. I haven’t read any studies on other age groups, but I can assure you, casual sexual relationships  exist at all ages from teenagers to seniors.

For young adults especially, the articles outlined two main concerns: emotional protection and physical protection. In terms of emotional concerns, the studies looked at participants’ desire for an increasing level of relationship intimacy, and whether they would engage in another casual sexual relationship  when one ends. Not surprisingly, women scored higher for the former and lower for the latter.

In examining the rules and scripts of these relationships, the article arrived at the second concern. If it is understood that you are not your partner’s only partner, given the prevalence of some sexually transmitted infections (STIs), you can negotiate barrier protection as well as getting tested to protect yourself. If there is no discussion about other partners, you are putting yourself at risk.

But casual sexual relationships are not the only alternative long-term relationships. There are also polyamorous relationships: what we used to call “open” relationships.  In my clinical work, I found (anecdotally) that people involved in relationships with more than one person, where the partner was aware and agreeable, tended to be much more careful than any other group in terms of physical safety (barrier protection and testing).

There are also couples who “swing” or “play.”

Any of the above can work when there is honesty, good communication and openness.

In the absence of frankness and trust, jealousy may creep in. I often paraphrased Maya Angelou to students when discussing jealousy: it’s like salt; a little can add flavour, but too much can hurt you, or even kill you. Once you start snooping in your partner’s computer or phone, it’s like the classic rifling through their pockets, looking at or smelling their clothes for clues. No matter what the original rules are, if you think one of you has broken them, it’s time to fix it—or end it. There are no guarantees in this game of love; there is only the expectation of good behaviour.

Talk to me: springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex

Sex after baby
Wed, 2012-11-28 20:07

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

After my first baby (18-hour labour plus episiotomy without anesthetic) I thought I would never let anyone near me again—not even myself. The thought of peeing or having a bowel movement was inconceivable. And yet, we continue to pee, shit and have sex. How do we get back to that beautiful place?

Every woman, every delivery and every baby is different, as is a woman’s relationship status at delivery. What follows are some general remarks about sex after baby.

No matter how “easy” or difficult the delivery, every woman has to heal after childbirth. With a Caesarean section, clearly the healing period is longer: it is major surgery. Immediately, the baby’s needs are paramount. Anyone who has heard a newborn cry can attest to that. If there is a partner on the scene, hopefully they get it. You are sore. You are tired. If you are breastfeeding, your vagina (when it heals) tends to be dry. Your libido has been tamped down by all of the above.

You may not feel particularly gorgeous. Some women spend their pregnancies feeling undesirable, others highly sexual. If you are breastfeeding, you may feel closer to other mammals than any human except your baby. You probably feel “touched out” and want to get some of your body integrity back.

That said, if you have a partner and you want them to stay in your life while you go through this incredible adjustment, it means sharing tenderness. Everybody gets some.

Hopefully, you were still engaged in some way with your partner right up to the birth, whether with loving words, sweet kisses, warm embraces or other sexual activity. Some pregnant women prefer fingers or oral sex to other vaginal activity, especially close to the birth. For others, all physical contact may have come to a full stop long before.

For these women, the road back to feeling sexual may take longer. It starts with reminding yourself why you wanted to have a baby with this person in the first place (if, indeed this was a wanted pregnancy). You will need to re-establish some physical contact with your partner as a basis for future sexual intimacy.

When you first start feeling like some kind of lovemaking might be a real possibility, you have to progress very slowly. If you want to give your partner some pleasure, now is a good time to revisit your sexual repertoire. Use your hand, your breasts, your mouth—or whatever else feels good—to make your partner feel good. If the day comes when you want your genitals touched, touch yourself first. See how it feels. Take it slowly. Can you put in a finger without cringing? Is the lube handy? 

If you want to let your partner touch you, show them the way you did at the beginning of the relationship and say clearly, “this feels good, this not so much—oooh, that feels wonderful.” And just like having anal sex for the first time, you need to start small if anything is going to enter your vagina.

Some people are okay having sex with the baby in the room (some even have sex with the baby in the bed); but others find it easier to concentrate on their pleasure and their partner without having to worry about the baby waking up. So even though the baby may not be on a fixed schedule, try to find the most likely time to be alone. You may need to make a date and have someone take care of the baby while you and your partner rediscover each other.

If you are fully breastfeeding, you may not ovulate for several months. If you are not breastfeeding, you can get pregnant in six to seven weeks. That means finding a way to avoid a second pregnancy too soon after the first if you have a male partner.

One of these blogs, I’ll talk about birth control methods. In the meantime, let me know what other sexual health issues you would like me to write about. E-mail: springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex

Raising sexually healthy children – Part 2
Thu, 2012-11-08 15:55

Spring Talks Sex blog by Lyba Spring

Welcome back and thanks for your comments.   

In parenting workshops, we like to use practice questions as a group to discuss possible answers. Here are a few examples for children aged 3 to 9.

Mummy, why are you bleeding?

Even if you close the door when you’re changing your pad, tampon or washing out your cup, three-year-olds haven’t quite grasped the concept of privacy. Although common guidelines suggest just answering what is asked, in this case, you may want to consider what is not being asked; namely, “are you hurt?”

“Honey, I didn’t cut myself. I’m not hurt. The blood is coming from inside and will stop in a few days. It’s normal.”

Of course, that still doesn’t answer the question: “Why?”  Until recently, I was suggesting, “Because my body is showing me I’m not going to have a baby”; but that doesn’t cover every woman’s situation.

In the same way, “Where do babies come from?” can be a minefield. Cory Silverberg’s book, What Makes a Baby? speaks to everyone, no matter how their child was “made.”  LGBTQ parents who use assisted reproduction or adopt will appreciate the way he leaves the details to the parent, while sticking to some very basic notions about sperm and egg.

Some people like to start with, “Where do you think they come from?” to tease out the correct information from the bizarre. In my experience, for a three-year-old, “They grow inside their mummy’s body” seems to be generally acceptable. If the next question is, “Where?” the answer can be, “In a special place called the uterus.”

“How does it get inside?”

“It grows from something very small.”

“Hunh?”

“To make a baby, you need something from a man and something from a woman.”

When you get to the part where the sperm and egg actually get together, you have some options besides sending your child to bed and calling your best friend. For those parents who specifically explain vaginal intercourse, some may want to emphasize choice and consent; for others, it’s love; for still others, it is based in norms around marriage. Whatever the option, what’s important is clarity, but not graphic detail. Many parents prefer telling the story in the third person. A biological child may not want those images in their heads.

“Why did the man in the park want to show me his penis?”

Again, the explanation may have to wait until you have dealt with the situation.

“He wasn’t supposed to do that. You didn’t do anything wrong, but we need to call the police. Do you remember what he looked like?”

After the dust settles, the explanation needs to avoid the suggestion of mental illness. Many parents say “he’s sick”, which is statistically not true. “He does it because it gives him pleasure” is more accurate; “but people can’t do everything that gives them pleasure, especially when it hurts others.”

“Why don’t girls have penises?” used to be a slam dunk before we became more aware of variations in gender. “Girls have something like a penis, but you can only see the tip of it and they don’t pee out of it” still works.  For some of us, it’s an opportunity to laud the clitoris. (Personally, I used to go on ad nauseum about how excellent this organ is.)

I did promise to cover, “When can I have sex?” which is a question more likely to come up when a child is entering puberty. The answer really depends on your philosophy. Do any of these answers sound like what you might say?

For girls who are likely to have sex with guys:

“You can have sex when your body is ready and you are ready to protect your body. That means waiting until about age 18 and using protection every time.”

For any child:

“You can have sex when you can talk openly and freely with your partner about your feelings, about the risks and about what you would do if there was a problem.”

“You can have sex when you’re married.”

“I guess it depends on what you mean by ‘sex’. There are some sexual things you can do that are quite safe and others that are higher risk.”

This is a good opportunity to start thinking about what you hope for your child in terms of their sexual life, and what kind of discussions will help get them there safely.

 Let me know what topics you’d like to see me cover in upcoming blogs. Write me: springtalks1@gmail.com

Spring Talks Sex