Reprinted and adapted with permission from Sweet Secrets: Stories of Menstruation by Kathleen O'Grady and Paula Wansbrough (Sumach Press, 1997). <http://www.sumachpress.com/sweetsec.htm>

Beginnings

Your First Period

It's difficult to know for certain when your first period will arrive. Some girls are as young as eight or nine whey they begin menstruating. Other girls don't get their periods until they're sixteen or seventeen. Our individual bodies are all unique and mature in slightly different ways and at different speeds. You may feel like you've been waiting forever when you finally discover that first spot of blood in your underwear. Or you may not think that you're ready, but your body will be!

When I first started bleeding I had no idea what was going on. I thought I was really sick because my mom had never told me about it. Even she didn't expect me to get it that early. I was so tiny – my maxi-pad was three times bigger than I was.
-- Rubina (age 29)

Mom told us we'd be late menstruating because that's the way it was in our family. She hadn't menstruated until seventeen years – and I was sixteen.

I so wanted to be like the other girls. They had breasts and I remember one who was more popular. The boys flocked around her. She wore sweaters all the time and had beautiful round breasts.

I'll never forget the first time. We had a basketball game. We won and when I changed I had that wonderful brown stain on my panties. I wasn't embarrassed. I padded myself well with toilet paper and hurried home. I burst in on Mom, told her – she smiled and said, “I guess you're ready for the glad rags, dear.”
--Ruth (60s)

Find out from your birth mom or your sisters or your grandmas or parents' sisters (they're all blood relations) when their first periods arrived. Because you're biologically related, there may be a similarity in the way you'll mature.

If you're adopted or if you're looking for other clues, you can estimate when your first period will arrive by paying close attention to your body's growth. Usually your first period will come after you've grown armpit hair and pubic hair (that curly stuff between your legs), after your hips and breasts have developed some, and after you've grown taller rather suddenly. You may also notice that your hair and skin are oilier and that your underarm odour is stronger. All of these things are signs that you're experiencing PUBERTY – those years of rapid growth and change that will transform you from a kid into an adult.

However, sometimes periods are the earliest signs of puberty and come as a surprise. You can prepare yourself for the Big Day by carrying a pad in your schoolbag and by learning what you can about your body's changes.

I Want it But I Don't!

Just as we start our periods at different ages, we also have different feelings about menstruation. Some girls can't wait to have that first period and check daily to see if they've started menstruating yet. They're excited by the thought of growing up. Other girls pretend it will never happen to them and avoid talking about menstruation. And when we get our periods, some of us feel strong and healthy and proud about being women. Others find menstruating messy and embarrassing, or just a big pain.

I think my menstrual blood is beautiful. At first it's dark red, then bright red, then pink, then brown and then it fades away. I also like the way it feels when it's leaving my body.

My period is part of me. I've been menstruating for sixteen years already and I'll be menstruating for many years to come. It is because of these years that we spend having periods that we need to go back to celebrating this significant change in our lives. When my daughter begins menstruating she is going to have a celebration, even if it's only between her and me.
--Roberta (30s)

When you're a child, you struggle to have a clean and perfect body and then, with menstruation, everything springs out of control. There is mess. There are leakages. There are strange new smells. You don't know when it is going to happen. There is pain, deep, achy pain in the very centre of your body. With the thick pad wagging between my legs, I felt that I had gone back to diapers. I was sure everyone would know and I was ashamed. Was this what it meant to be a woman? I experienced my first period as a loss of power, not as a gain, a return to babyhood, not an entry into adulthood.
--Elizabeth (30s)

You may be excited and want to get your period on the one hand, but on the other hand think that it's a disgusting and weird thing. Having contradictory feelings about menstruating is normal.

People Can Be Weird and Wonderful!

When you begin to menstruate you may find that some of your family relationships change. This is because you may feel and act differently, or because people see you in a new way, or both!

Some parents are just wonderful when their daughter first begins to menstruate. They're proud and happy, calm and helpful. Your parents may show their appreciation of your new maturity by giving you added responsibilities and freedoms. They may take some special time to explain the changes in your body to you, or, if they're shy or don't feel they know all of the answers, they might give you books and other information to help prepare you.

Parents may also act very awkwardly when their daughter has her first period. They may feel that their “little girl” is growing up. They're scared she won't need them any more and frightened about all of the adult things that she's going to want to do. And they might not know what words to use to explain their mixed feelings. You may see some strange responses from the people around you, even from the people you love the most.

It's hard for many adults to change, so be patient!

When I first got my period, Mom bought be a jumbo-sized box of pads, a stretchy elastic belt for the pads and a jar of green olives with pimento centres. I love olives and this jar was all mine. When my sister got her period, we were all relieved because it seemed late in coming. Mom treated my sister and me to a celebration dinner. We slurped up spaghetti in a rich tomato sauce and we toasted her period with red wine, clinking our glasses, whispering, giddy, giggly. We finished the meal with cheesecake topped with glistening red strawberries.
--Athena (30s)

I got my first period during Hockey Night in Canada. After Mother and I sorted things out, I returned to the hockey game, stomach cramping, nursing my new knowledge on the couch. Later, during third period, after Dad had gone upstairs for a swig of Coke, he came back and said, “Mom says you've got your period. That's great!” and he smiled.
--Diane (30s)

Before I got my first period, I began to notice strange events. My sister – who is eighteen months older than I – was hiding things from me. She and my mother would go to the pharmacy together and secretively bring things home. There would be something in a bag, although I don't think I ever saw a pad. My sister would go to the washroom and would be hiding something when she came out. When I asked, she said, “You'll find out some day.”

When I began menstruating, my mother began to talk constantly about the interaction between girls and boys. I was not to be friendly with boys, go out with them or even go to school dances.
--Esmeralda (20s)

Roll Out the Red Carpet!

Periods confuse a lot of people. Men and women you know who are normally smart or easy to talk to and up-front about even the most difficult topics may become ashamed and embarrassed by menstruation. They just don't know what to say or how to say it even though they know it's important stuff. They act this way because there are a lot of wrong ideas that menstruation is dirty and bad. Menstruation is not bad and it is not dirty. It is not an illness or a disability either, but a normal and important part of a woman's life cycle that shows her every month that her body is healthy.

I often think that it is ignorant that we don't speak out more about menstruation. Those things that should be talked over with the children. Mothers or sisters should tell one another. Other girls never mentioned it to me. And I had no sisters, you see. And I certainly wouldn't go to my brothers and ask them because I knew I was different than them. Years ago everything was hushed up.; I was frightened when I started menstruating. I thought I was hemorrhaging and dying. Everything was hushed up, as though it was something dirty. It's not dirty. It's natural!
--Ursula (90s)

I really regret that many of us are not taught that our periods are cleansing. Our blood flows through our bodies every month to clean out our uterus and our vagina. What a concept! We are not experiencing “the curse” as I was taught when I first started my menses. We are not “dirtying” our pads and tampons. And when we do have an accident, we're not “dirtying” our underwear or our sheets.

I also regret that our periods are not, as yet, a cause for celebration. When a young girls begins her menstruation a big celebration would be fun! I feel these celebrations should be international holidays. For one day every year, women all over the world would be honoured because of our periods. Maybe we could have parades of women marching the streets with floats of red. Red streamers, red flowers. Maybe that's too much. But I think this holiday would need to be recognized by a parade, or rally, or a woman's dance. Or perhaps a party of red with a lot of singing and dancing.
--Roberta (30s)

Unfortunately many people have not been taught that menstruation is a natural and good thing and they fear it because they don't understand the process. Sometimes this fear causes people to make jokes and rude remarks about menstruating women – most of which are not even based on the facts! Be prepared for some silly, even mean responses from people, and if you can, try to teach them the truth about menstruation.

It's a Woman's World!

Around the time of your first period, you may discover how important your friends and sisters are to you. Some of the best people to talk to about menstruation are girls your own age. You can share tips with your friends, like which pads or tampons are best, or find out how to cure menstrual cramps from your favourite cousin. Sometimes you'll discover that you and your friends have your periods at exactly the same time! You can learn from your friends and you can teach them the things that you've discovered too.

On the other hand, most boys know very little about menstruation – for some strange reason many adults don't think it's necessary to explain this stuff to them. Boys often feel uncomfortable about girls' periods. Some boys will make nasty jokes while others will be embarrassed when girls talk openly about bleeding:

Jeananne: If you want to make guys uncomfortable, you just start talking about menstruation.

Janti: If you want them to go away you start talking about your period and they run!

Maja: But it's weird how it varies in guys. Kurt went looking for “fem-i-nine hy-giene pro-ducts” in my bag!

Susan: That was the day you had about eight hundred in the front pocket of your bag.

Maja: And today we were in the variety store and he was going through my bag and he said, “Eww! Used ones! ”I'm like, “What are you talking about?! We don't keep them after!”

Susan: Didn't Joel one time think you only got it once or something?

Maja: Once a year. He thought you got it only once a year!

Janti: Once a year! We're like, “Please, please, please.”

Maja: But then you'd probably get it for like, two months.

Jeananne: Imagine having it for two months.

--Susan, Janti, Jeananne and Maja (ages 13-14)

Boys' odd reactions come from a fear of what they don't know. You can have fun with it, like Jeananne, Janti, Maja and Susan. Or keep bleeding a secret between the girls. If you're feeling very patient, you might even want to teach a boy a fact or two!

What's in a Name?

There are lots of different names for your bleeding time. Doctors like to use scientific names and so they call it “menstruation” or “menses,” terms that come from the Latin word menses which means “month.” Some moms and grandmas think it's polite to say “that time of the month,” “your monthlies,” or “your time.” There are also mystical names that celebrate your natural cycle: “moon time” is the most common, but some people also call their bleeding “moon flowers” or “red rose.”

There are angry names too, like “the curse,” for those days when you aren't happy about menstruating. People who don't appreciate the importance of menstruation have called it a curse as if it's a bad spell or something horrible. Certainly there are times when menstruation seems to get in the way, but more often it's a blessing: a sign of good health, maturity and being a woman.

Another name, “on the rag” (“OTR”), describes what women used in the past to catch their blood. Before cotton pads could be bought in stores, women wore cloth rags that they washed and reused every month. Today some people still say that they are “on the rag.”

Both names – “on the rag” and “the curse” – are sometimes used as put-downs when a woman is moody, angry or assertive by people who have the confused idea that menstruation makes women go crazy. These people think women should always be sweet, quiet and meek. When a woman doesn't act the way they think she should, they believe something is wrong with her and place the blame on her periods.

There are also many names for menstruation that can be fun and friendly: “Aunt Flo,” “Aunt from Red Bay,” “the little man” and “my friend” are all “visitors” that come to call every month.

And finally there's the most common term – “period.” This name can fit almost any mood. It refers to a cycle that repeats over and over again like class periods in a school, or it can mean the end of a cycle, just like the period at the end of this sentence means that the sentence is finished.

If you're not happy with any of these names for your bleeding time, be creative and come up with one of your own! Share this new name with your friends or keep it as a special secret.

Copyright © 1997 by Kathleen O'Grady and Paula Wansbrough