Cancer and the treatment affects many women's sexuality, both physically and emotionally.

"Sometimes when I made love it would remind me of the cancer or of being examined by doctors." - Lily

"It takes me longer to become aroused. Once I am it feels the same." - Carol

It is common to experience a decreased interest in sex around the time of diagnosis and treatment. Unanticipated menopause, an inability to bear children and changes in your sexual organs' functioning, appearance and feel, can all contribute to a loss of your sense of yourself as a desirable woman. There are no easy solutions to these feelings.

"I find it difficult to express myself sexually... [The cancer] makes it hard to be a sexual person in an uninhibited way. Everything is loaded." - Patti

"They are the body parts which create life and give pleasure - and now, they are associated with pain." - Carole

Sometimes the treatment may mean that intercourse or other sexual activity is painful. The pain might decrease over time. You may want to talk to your doctor about ways to lessen it. There are lubricants and creams to help with vaginal dryness. It can also help to consider other ways of having sexual contact or being intimate that do not cause pain and are likely to be more enjoyable.

"Sex remained painful for quite some time and there was bleeding. I cried. (My partner) wanted me to know that he would not leave me... He tried to be gentle. He never made me feel less of a woman." - Anne-Marie

The changes in self-image and sexual interest are not necessarily all negative or permanent. You may feel ready to have sex, but worry that sex will hurt, or that your body has not healed enough. It may simply take time before you are completely ready.

"At first, I could care less about sex… both in disinterest and fear of it [pain] .. but I feel that it is slowly changing from within." - Linda

Whether or not you are in a committed relationship, being intimate can be very scary. You may think that your partner will see you differently and react negatively. It can also be nerve-wracking to enter a new relationship. When do you talk about your cancer and its treatment? Do you talk about it at all? What if the person rejects you?

Before you have sex, it may help to talk openly with your partner. If that is difficult, you may want to seek some counselling, or gather information from a trusted and knowledgeable third person such as a health professional. Ask detailed and specific questions. It may also be very helpful to talk to someone who has gone through the experience and find out how they dealt with these issues. Books and videos can also be useful.

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